To Whom It May Concern:

If you’ve had this moment, you know who you are—the initial, tiny inkling that something might be wrong. You think back to the times you’ve experienced this feeling before. You thought it was food poisoning. You thought it was the greasy food from that fast food restaurant that never sits well with your stomach. You thought the chicken from the other day may have been undercooked. You thought about that one thing you ate two days past its expiration date. But what if it is something else? You squeeze your eyes shut and think, think, think back to each dish and reluctantly identify that common denominator.

Is it flour? Is it cheese? Is it bread? Is it cream?

You shake that thought from your head. No—it can’t possibly be. Why now? Why me? But that pesky little thought cannot be shaken so easily. You throw shredded parmesan into your basket at the grocery store. It said online that hard cheeses have less bad stuff. This is totally fine. You order the pasta at your favorite restaurant, but have the server hold the meat. I’ve always eaten it this way—maybe their meat has just gone down in quality. You still say yes to the server holding the freshly grated cheese. I mean, how could you say no?

It’s fine. It’s only a little. It’s fine. It’s only a little. That voice in your head repeats this like a mantra.

Yet, a few hours after, as if on cue, your stomach makes that rumble. Rumble. Rumble. Squeak! Rumble. Your belly puffs up like you’re suddenly with child. You think I should stop eating so much, which could be a correct statement, but not the thought you’re actually avoiding. The thought continues to gnaw at your brain: See me; you know what I am. Acknowledge me; you know what you have to do. But it’s somehow easier to push that thought deep, deep down into a cage of denial than to accept it and allow it to change everything.

Choose your own adventure:

If you decide to keep that thought locked up and throw away the key, go to Continued Story 1
If you decide to move that thought from the cage of denial into the greenhouse of acceptance, go to Continued Story 2

Continued Story 1

You know the truth. You know that thought is fighting to get out with all its might, but you suppress, suppress, suppress. It’s fine. You know, this isn’t that bad. If I get really sick, I can stop. But I’m not really sick. It’s just some tummy trouble. It’s just some weird bathroom animal noises. I could just pop some pills that kind of work. It only happens if I eat too much. I could stop if I wanted to—I just don’t want to. It would probably get worse if I stopped. I don’t want to lose all tolerance. I don’t want to be restricted. My boyfriend still loves me. My girlfriend doesn’t care. This is just how it is now. This is normal. I feel fine. I plan it into my day. I can just deal. This is just how it is now.

Continued Story 2

After a particularly bad experience—was it needing to sprint to the bathroom?; was it not being able to hold in smelly gas at a meeting?; was it tummy cramps that stuck you on the couch for the day?—you decide that enough is enough. You think I’ll just eliminate this for a week. Just see what happens. It might not even be what I think it is! It might not make a difference!

In that week, you think about what you are eating more than you ever have before. You feel the cravings kicking in. You fight them. Don’t ruin the experiment! That week is hard, but you get through it. You re-evaluate. You place your hand on your stomach like an expectant mother, yet this time there is no bump. You smile. You think back on your week. I felt less sluggish. Well, maybe I got more sleep; or did I just sleep better? I haven’t gotten a pimple that pops up in a new place on my face weekly. I feel … good.

That thought, so chained up, so nagging, is finally free! Dang. It. I have an intolerance.

You open your fridge and cabinets and take a peek. At the sight of every item that is now your enemy, you envision dollars being flushed down the drain. You can’t possibly throw that stuff away! You spent your hard-earned money on that. It would be such a waste. You pledge not to buy any more, but you’ll just finish what you have. It’ll be my last hurrah.

Yet now that the thought is out, there is no reigning it back in. You are somehow more aware of how your body feels as you cook that meal you know is toxic. When you put that delicious poison into your mouth, you feel a twinge of guilt toward your own body as it protests. I’m sorry, you think. You throw away everything the next day and don’t look back. That thought has moved into the greenhouse of acceptance—it isn’t perfect, but it has a place to grow and be nourished. It will learn to adapt and thrive in time.

You start a new board on Pinterest. You commit to talk to that one friend who has gone through this before. You look at the menus of the restaurants you frequent. You change your mindset. I can do this. This is like a new project. I’ve been wanting to cook more at home anyway. This could save me money. This is how it is now. There are so many things in my cabinet that I can still eat. At least I can eat French fries! People do this all the time. This is normal. This is how it is now.

—

If you are the “whom” that this does concern, I hope you feel that you are not alone in the food allergy/intolerance experience. So many people have been there and so many people have had to choose their own adventure.

I am not here to shame you by any means. I am here for some tough love. I am here to stare you down (with my words) and give it to you straight. I am here to help you to realize that you have a choice. You have a choice to listen to your body or to ignore it. You have a choice to know what it’s like to feel good again. You have a choice to face the facts and to do something about it. Why don’t you choose what will make you feel good? Why do you put these things into your body that you know are hurting you? Have you fallen into that “this is just how it is” slump? Do you know that this is not how it is? Do you know that this is not how it has to be?

If you don’t know me, hello! Thank you for reading this! You may be saying Well that’s easy for you to say those things! What do you know? (If you do know me, bear with me for a quick back story.)

Oh. I know.

I discovered I was gluten intolerant when I was nineteen. That is nineteen years of a diet that was 70% pasta and sourdough bread. After I went through a long period of denial, I finally eliminated gluten cold turkey. I had dreams about Oreos. I had dreams about bread. Seven years later, I still have dreams where I eat a piece of bread and someone tells me that it is not gluten free. In the dream, I don’t have a reaction and I absolutely gorge myself on that bread. I wake up disappointed.

I discovered I was lactose intolerant five years later at twenty-four. Same process of denial, sneaking in some dairy, and finally, elimination. The process was shorter and somewhat easier because I already knew that I just had to do it and had gone through it before. I also felt such a drastic difference in how I was feeling that it was worth it just to feel good.

Additionally, last week I decided that I would no longer be eating beans and lentils—I love beans and lentils (and the environment). It’s not intolerance or allergy, but I noticed that I was overly bloated and felt terrible for multiple days after eating them. So I had a heart to heart with myself and I chose to stop. I haven’t been bloated since. It’s an amazing feeling.

I want to encourage you to make a change. I want you to know what it’s like to live without bloating. I want you to know what it’s like to have regular bowel movements (a.k.a. not diarrhea or explosions!). I want you to want more for yourself. I want you to take a leap, even though it sucks. Believe me, I know it sucks. Just try it. Experiment! See what it’s like for a week. If you make it a week, extend it to a month. Do it for your long-term health. Do it for yourself. Do it for your quality of life. You deserve it.

I often have the thought that life is too short not to eat and try everything because food is so important to me; but honestly, and more importantly, life is too short not to feel good. And in the words of my personal hero, Ali Wong: “Life is too short to be wasting meals on bad food.” To me, that includes food that makes you feel bad.

If you feel what I’m saying, have any questions, or need any advice, feel free to comment! I’m no expert or scientist, but I’m here to share what I have experienced with food first-hand. It’s my passion!

If you are looking to start making changes, this substitutions list will help get you started!